University is taking over my life...

Hello again :)

It's been a long time since I posted anything here. I'm not doing very well with all that, am I? I do have it on my "to-do list" all the time... I just never get around to it for some reason. It's like all of my time is just being sucked away... OH THAT'S RIGHT - I enrolled in University! That must be why! Hahaha... Sigh.

I haven't been journalling... It really, really, really sucks. I feel like I'm losing my mind, to be honest. Like I've lost a part of myself. I can't vent, I can't pep talk myself, I can't even release creative frustration. It's so annoying, not having time for myself. And then there's the problem of not actually having a physical journal that is suitable for my style of journalling. All I've got is this big, heavy hard-covered art paper book... And it's a bitch to write in. It sucks all of the ink out of my pens and is very tough to doodle on... I mainly use it to glue things in, but then... it's a hard cover, so it's not going to like having three billion things pasted in... Sigh. I need a new journal, and a new life schedule, and a new mind. Or, my old mind. The mind I had back when I was journalling every day. My current mind is tired, stressed, annoyed and bored. I need some more excitement. Phew... I need a drink.

I bought a new camera, as my little orange Olympus VG-160 was dropped in the sand and promptly stopped working. I am now the proud owner of a Canon 1600-D... So beautiful, and strong, and powerful. And so expensive. It almost physically hurt to hand over that much money to someone... But it was, and is, worth it. I take my camera everywhere I go, even to the supermarket, in case I see something that simply must be immortalised in a photograph. *Note to self: put some photos up on the blog...*

Another milestone - I hit 50 followers on Pinterest! I didn't know my obsessions were so interesting! Welcome, lovely people. I hope you don't mind me taking a little wander around your pinterest boards... :)

It's raining a lot, as it is Autumn here in Australia (though it feels a bit like Spring... All the seasons are a bit stuffed at the moment)... It's not very cold... But it's wet. Very wet. And when I walk through the forests, and the nature reserves, everything is so beautiful... The clouds are dark, everything's wet and beautiful, and when the sun peeps through for a minute, everything sparkles. It's stunning. And everything smells amazing. Autumn/Winter are my favourite seasons for nature walking/exploring/adventuring.

What is everyone up to on your end? Perhaps there are birthdays to celebrate, or holidays? Feel free to comment. I'd love to hear what's going on in your neck of the woods. (I think commenting is available... I'll have to check that)...

That's all from me for now... I'll try to keep the posts a little more frequent :)

Until next time! Put on your boots and go for a walk in the rain!

University, fitness and journalling...

Well the University year has officially started... Three days in, and my mind is in overdrive. Nothing I didn't expect, but it certainly makes it difficult to sleep sometimes. One thing I didn't expect though, was that because of Uni, I'd journal considerably less... Like, almost never. Like, I usually do around 4-5 pages per day, and I'm struggling to even write one. That bothers me a little, as my original solution to an over-active mind was to vent it all out on paper... 

To help me with my time management, and with slowing my brain down a little bit better so that I can actually sleep, I printed off a calendar and a daily planner for time allocation... It gives me a reason to journal, and is very handy in organising what needs to be done before the day starts... It's also how I got back into fitness after a month off... Yes, a whole month. Luckily, because I've boosted my metabolism, I've still been losing weight... But I'd like to work out more often, and the daily planner helps me to achieve that.

 While we're still sort of on the topic of journalling, I actually scanned some pages of my old journals last night! Drum roll please!... brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... (my best typing impression of a drum roll)...

Sometimes if I'm feeling particularly happy, or creative, I'll just fill a page with a drawing, or a collage, or a quote... 

Envelopes are always handy to have in a journal... To hold little pieces of ephemera that you don't want to glue down, or that you want to glue down later.

This page is just an example of the things I draw, or stick in... :)
That purple stuff is dried sea weed that I found a bit of a distance from the shore while hiking around some
cliff areas... Australia is so beautiful! :)
I've blurred out personal information and private bits and pieces...

They're the only pages that really turned out kind of okay... Haha. I'll have to figure out how to stop my scanner from missing the centre of the journal most of the time... But I got some pages up! That was on my to-do list for a very long time, so I can finally cross that off!

As always, I hope you are all well and enjoying the weather wherever you are in the world...
Hopefully with my daily planner I can slot in some more blogging time!
Until then - stay safe, stay calm and stay happy!

Animal Cruelty Fuelled by The Tourist Industry...

For a close friend's family, it's a yearly tradition to fly over to Bali for a few weeks in Summer... They love it over there because they get to be "up close" with animals we don't have over here in Australia... Elephants and monkeys, mainly...
I understand that, wanting to be able to touch one, feed one, get a photo taken with one... But when the baby elephant is on a chain, giving children rides on its back... Or when the little monkey has its fur styled and is dressed in a tuxedo...

Does no-one think where these animals go when the tourists go home, or how they're treated? Everyone wants to buy into the market so that they can touch these animals, but are they consciously turning a blind eye to the abuse these animals face when they're not on display for everyone to see? I'm sure that monkey doesn't especially like wearing clothes, and I'm sure the baby elephant doesn't especially like having 2-5 children on its back at a time.

I'm not sure if there are people you can report these "businesses" to, but if there are, why aren't these places shut down already? Is the government turning a blind eye too?

Sometimes it seems like I'm the only person who sees anything wrong with a little monkey dressed in a tuxedo...

What do you think?

Some changes...

Things are changing around here... And lately, those changes are negatively effecting my schedules. For the first time in 5 or so months, I don't feel like journalling, and I don't feel like exercising, and I don't feel like doing anything except sleeping, or maybe watching TV... I feel tired all the time, and my energy levels are really low, despite my scheduled healthy diet. I've cut back on sugars quite a bit, and upped my water intake to 2 Litres per day... 3 Litres on workout days. But I got sick a few weeks ago, and then suddenly got significantly better... So I didn't end up booking that doctor's appointment... Maybe I should have. Maybe the illness is back, and it's attacking me in some other way this time. Whatever this is, I don't like it, and I would very much like to get back to my health schedule and feel great again.

In the last 2 months, I've been working my ass off... Literally... And because I journal every day, it's easy for me to track my progress and stay motivated. I don't have scales, so I can't weigh myself, but I have definition where I've never had definition before, and my waist, thighs and arms are considerably thinner than they were before I started. Almost halved. My health goals are still far to go, but I feel like lately I've been going backwards...because of this no-energy-let-me-sleep feeling...

I'm booking an appointment for next week... I'm going to get a general check-up done... Blood tests, etc... I just want to make sure that whatever this is isn't going to kill me... Because, honestly... I feel like it probably could. That's how actually shit I'm feeling at the moment. (Excuse my colourful language)

Back on the topic of journalling... (And yes, I will be doing lots of posts on my journals soon, when I get my shit together... because my camera broke, and now all I have to use is an old scanner... Grr...) I've just finished my second journal, and started my third...
I like to do daily updates on my life in my journals... Goals, to-do lists, what I saw, where I went... That kind of thing... But lately, I've been feeling like maybe it's not enough for me anymore... I'm toying with the idea of starting an art journal. I think it could be interesting.

For now, though... I will continue with my daily journalling, and hopefully meditation and some light exercise will make me feel a bit better... (I want to blog more often. I really, really do. I have some great blog post ideas written down. I just want to focus on getting better first.)

I hope your 2015 has been great so far, lovelies. Until this week, mine has been fantastic. Wishing you all the best for February, and I hope my illness doesn't spread to you through cyberspace... xo

Give Your Dream Wings with Andrea Schroeder - My experience thus far...

I was blog-hopping recently, and came across Andrea Schroeder's blog... I was having a quick read, and a window popped up asking me if I wanted to sign up for a class of some sort... I admit, I was skim reading, and popped my e-mail in the box, and went back to whatever I was doing beforehand. But then I started getting some e-mails about very interesting things, all from Andrea... She was sending me links to each individual class, once per day... After a few days of just looking around, I decided to give one of the classes a try... It was interesting... Different. Nothing like anything I'd stumbled upon before, so I stuck with it... I've completed the third class tonight, as I take a few days in between to reflect upon what I've discovered... And I've decided that I really enjoy her lessons. Her videos remind me of guided meditation, and I guess that's essentially what they are. Guided meditation with the intention of unlocking your creative and spiritual potential. Phew! Try saying that three times fast. Thanks, Andrea. You're quite a treasure.

Tonight, it was all about discovering your dream and becoming comfortable about it. Or, that's the feeling I got. Maybe that's not what it was about, but that's where the lesson took me. I really liked the "shut your eyes and do what I say as I guide you through your imagination" kind of stuff. It's relaxing, and inspirational at the same time.

Once I complete the Give Your Dream Wings lessons, I'll put up a few scans of my GYDW journal pages and write a bit more about it. But for now, I'm off to ponder the giant lotus.

It's officially over...

Today's the day, ladies and gentlemen... I have long awaited this moment, and have known it was coming for some time... Today I wrote the last entry, on the last page in my very first journal. It's such a surreal moment... When you take a step back, and look at just how far you've come in such a short time... And realise that this chapter is over. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad. No, I have nothing to be sad about in this moment. This is a very good thing. I can start the next chapter, the next journal... I can continue growing, and I can continue documenting it in a new journal, for the new me. I am happy, but I feel numb. This is a very calm numbness, a very content sense of nothing. It feels almost like I'm floating, in my mind. This is it. I am, literally, closing the book.

I will take tonight to get to know my new journal. It is very slim at the moment, as was the one I've just finished, before I filled it with my mental ramblings. Now, the finished journal is at least double its original size, as I hope my new one will end up once it is finished. There is something so satisfying about filling, growing and holding a very fat, very full journal.

I don't have much more to add, as I just wanted to document the completion of my 4 month journey of self-discovery.

Journal on, readers. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

2014 Gratitude

First of all...

M E R R Y    C H R I S T M A S

In Australia, it's a beautiful sunny Christmas Eve...

Lots of tourists are around and have taken up the entire foreshore with their tents and

camper vans... I took a stroll through there, and it's all beautiful like a little makeshift village.
Next Summer, I hope to camp there too... Imagine the friends you'd make!

People from all different countries are gathered down there to spend the Summer and

Christmas together... I wonder what tonight will be like in the tent village...
I'm imagining fairy lights, and people gathered around to sing together to welcome Christmas, with the sound of the waves from the beach lulling everyone to sleep... Ah, Christmas... How lovely.

To celebrate this lovely season, I've decided to share part of my Gratitude List with the world.

This year has been... tough, to say the least. With school being a disaster, and more than enough drama for a decade, let alone a year, my mental and emotional state has been pretty up and down...
Thanks to a wonderful woman named Alex, who I've mentioned before, I discovered journalling.

Since I started journalling, anxiety has been much less of a "thing", and my outlook on life has been much more positive. So I'm grateful for Alex. And you can find her here.

In 2014 I am grateful for:

~ Alex from Barcelona. You have inspired me on many occasions, and continue to do so. You have changed my life with your wisdom, and your gentle kindness. Thank you so much for everything.

~ Marcus. You're always there. Literally, always. It feels like we're in a skype call 24/7. This year you've shared my workload, and we've managed two, no... three, massive projects together all while maintaining our ongoing friendship. You've supported me even in my darkest times, and you've held me up to make sure I don't drown in the negativity. You've been my greatest friend. I hope we can keep this friendship going for a long, long time. Maybe even until you smell like a wet dog. I hope you don't ever smell like a wet dog.

~ Zoe. Every time I talk to you, you make me feel so much better about everything. Thank you.

~ Tom P. You're a jerk, but you're hilarious, so that's okay. Thanks for sticking around.

~ Mark. I don't know if we're friends any more, but for the times we had, I'm so grateful. You helped me to see that not every bad thing was a "bad" thing. Thank you for being there, when you were.

~ Ethan. You've literally held our project up by yourself. Without you, it would be long dead. I'm so glad you came along, and not just because you saved it... but because we've grown together and formed one of the best friendships I've ever been a part of. Thank you for being patient with me, even when I'm being lazy.

~ The Server Community. Even the bad eggs.

~ Summer. Oh, Summer. I've never adored you the way I do right now. I'm so blessed to live by the sea.

~ My journal... Thanks again to Alex. The best commitment I've made for myself.

~ Spending time with the relatives. I'm still getting to know a lot of you, but I love every minute we get to spend together. I look forward to making many more memories as we get to be more comfortable around one another.

~ This blog. I have a constant nagging in the back of my mind when it feels like I haven't posted anything on here for a while... and until I do post something, the nagging feeling gets stronger every day. Being able to write about things I care about, and share my writing and opinions with the world is such a wonderful opportunity. I'm so glad I finally committed to this blog, unlike the hundred others I've started and never actually continued...

I could go on with this list forever, but it would take up a dozen or so pages, and I doubt anyone would want to read all of that. For the rest of my gratitude list, the few remaining pages in my journal will have to do. 

In just a few months, I've filled over 350 pages of my journal with my mental rambling, my emotional unloading, my inspirational findings, and many, many gratitude pieces. Unloading with a pen and paper has made my day-to-day life so much easier... If you haven't already, I strongly recommend anyone to pick up a pen and start writing. I'm still discovering the benefits of keeping a journal, and it's been months. But I can honestly say, with my depression, and my anxiety, no medication has ever made me feel as good as being able to unload to a non-judgemental, private, faithful book companion.

I'm going to cut it short and end my post here... I had two other topics that I wanted to cover, but I think this post is pretty lengthy as is. I'll add a few more things to my "to-blog" list, and hopefully will have a new post out for the new year. Thank you to everyone who views this, or will view this in the future. I hope I can inspire some of you, or help you to become inspired, as a lot of people have inspired me in the last few months.

To everyone mentioned above, and everyone who is not mentioned above, I hope your holiday season is a safe and happy one. Lots of love, from Australia. xo

Confronting fishing.

This week started off on a relatively positive, creative, inspirational note... A close family friend is having a wedding (vow renewal... what's the difference, right?) on the weekend, and everyone's pitching in to help... So I've been conspiring with Mum. Very fun, very messy, very busy. Brilliant.

...But then we go to the beach this evening... It's Summer in Australia, so it's still light out and warm at about 6-7pm... We drive a few towns over, still on the peninsula, and stop at a beautiful beach with a very old, very long pier. We walk up and down on the sand, decide that it's a bit too cold for a swim, and decide to check out the pier instead... 

There's lots of people at the end, and there's a bench seat there, so we figure it might be worth taking a look at what all the fuss is about. What seems like a ten kilometre walk on a rickety old planks-and-nails pier lands us in amongst fishermen, and fisherwomen, huddled around in their puffy waterproof jackets... They're speaking Italian, which we know very little of, but they're saying "calamari" and a couple of other words to their friends in English. One of the ladies taps me on the shoulder and says, "Pardon me, please. No want to hook you in your face." ...My thoughts transition to a scene from a movie - a man getting a right hook to the face from a large drunk man in a dirty white singlet... Probably not what she's referring to... Mum and I move a couple of metres back, and as the lady is winding and winding her fishing line in, this squid seemingly flies up onto the pier... Tiny little thing... It's making sucking sounds, like it's sneezing. It IS sneezing...kind of. It's trying to spit ink at the lady. The squid is so freaking small, but she says it doesn't matter, "Still good. Not matter. Small okay."... Size doesn't matter to this woman. I guess that's a plus... But she's unhooked the squid, and just left it to spit all over itself on the plank next to her while she tries to reel in another one. It might not seem sad to you, but watching the tiny squid trying to defend itself against a plank and a large Italian woman was just heartbreaking... Ink can't save you now, little squid... I almost thought it'd be kinder for the woman to start cleaning it and preparing it then and there...
I've taken some photos, of the squid, the Italian lady, the group huddled around a bucket of fish, and the sunset... So we start walking back... But as we're nearing the end of the pier, Mum kind of half-jumps back and grabs my shoulder... There's a completely mutilated stingray just floating in the water... Guts are kind of just hanging out of it, floating next to it, and the sides of its body have been hacked off, as well as its tail... I thought it was a dead shark, that's how much of its body had been removed...

I'm a very proud nature lover, so when I saw the squid trying to ink itself to safety, and the remains of the stingray, I just felt disappointed, and disgusted. As humans, haven't we mutually decided on ways of going about things such as hunting? As humans, haven't we mutually decided that the best way to hunt is to put the animal out of its misery as fast as possible? Why do we not do this? And why do we continue to mutilate, to destroy, and to torture our precious wildlife?... Just because it's there, and it's edible, doesn't mean we have the natural right to just do whatever we like to it before we eat it. It's cruel, and in the age of technology and information, I feel that we should have grown out of this caveman phase. I'm not against catching and eating your own food - it's probably healthier and better for you in the long run... But I believe there comes a point where you should slow down, be gentle, and be grateful for what you have... Don't just take everything because you can. Don't just kill everything because you can. Don't just do whatever you want because you can. There's still right and wrong, even in nature. And I think as modern humans, we're still not entirely in touch with that. ...And that makes me very sad.

November is almost over...

It's been too long, my friend... Where has the time gone?

...I was so looking forward to spending my November days on the beach, splashing in the waves and taking countless photos of the cliffs and the cheeky seagulls...

The days I planned were pushed further and further back, and I have become less and less relaxed. That isn't to say that I haven't enjoyed it. I've enjoyed it immensely. Not having to stress over when an assignment is due, or whether I've replied to an important e-mail, or even restarted the server today... I love this new found freedom. But I've overdone it! I've been too excited, spent too many nights reading, or writing, or drawing... December will be better...
Or maybe it won't... I keep forgetting we threw Christmas in there somewhere. What a grand idea that was. The masses of noisy tourists, and the parties, and the drunk drag racing up and down the roads around us make me dread Christmas more than a trip to the dentist. I love spending time with family, but when it's hot (as it usually is around Christmas in Australia) I'd like to go for a swim without having to worry about dogs not being on their leads, or people leaving their broken beer bottles on the sand for some unsuspecting person, such as myself, to stumble upon.
This isn't a rant... Or maybe it is... But it doesn't feel like one... This is just me expressing my frustrations about Christmas... Okay, maybe it actually is definitely a rant. But I come in peace.

...And that's what it all comes back to. I am striving for peace. Peace in my mind, in my body... I don't want to be frustrated by these silly things. I want to get out, take photos, splash in the sparkling waters before the tourists arrive for the Summer... I want to enjoy my new found freedom, and enjoy it the way I hoped I would enjoy it. Immensely. So that's what I'm going to do. ...Oh, and I'm going to update my blog more frequently, too... Hehe.

Well, that's it for today, my friend. Thank you for understanding my frustration, and allowing me to express it even if that's not what my blog is generally for.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by, and I hope to see you again soon. Maybe next time over fruit cake, and a lovely cup of spiced tea...

Until then... Lots of love, from this beautiful place...

Testing the waters...

I've recently become inspired by the concept of journalling. Thanks to a wonderful soul I found on YouTube named Alex, I've begun my journey of self discovery.

For about a month now, I've been journalling, and keeping record of quirky quotes, and other things that bring about inspiration. The whole process of keeping a journal, and what it does to you mentally, has made me feel more intelligent, and has also resulted in more inspired moments.
If you are having doubts about journalling, don't. Do it. Do it now. Believe me, you won't regret any of it. You are discovering yourself. Do it for yourself.

I struggle with depression and anxiety on a regular basis. Since beginning a journal, however, I've noticed myself become more relaxed... especially in moments where the stress levels are exceeding normal. I feel that because of Alex, I've not only learned how to cope with these enormous emotions, but I've also learned about the powerful, dangerous, glorious human mind. I really must thank you, "Alex from Barcelona", as people around me know you. You have changed me in so many ways, all of which are for the better.

I hope that eventually someone stumbles across this blog who needs some kind of a brutal shove into the abyss that is journalling... And I hope that by being shoved, they learn about themselves, and to love every aspect of life. If Alex hadn't shoved me, I'd still be crawling, not flying with the wings I was born with. Fly, beautiful human. We can fly together.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” 
-Rumi